IF THE LORD LEFT ME A WILL...

From contemporary times, I have been
inevitably schooled in the light of parenting
that there is an omnipresent father who resides
in heaven and accedes to my constant
development in life. His is a love even the
heavens find tactful to explain. I grew up with
my one foot in mud and the other in a pool of
purge. Even then had the consciousness of His
greatness been etched in my then mindless
heart. I didn't love God or didn't love Him
enough, but in place of the reprisal I expected,
He showed me unconditional and undiluted
love. He simply had a complex penchant for
blessing people, and that didn't exclude fags
like me that deserved exorcism.
Jeremiah 29:11 says it all. He's always had big
plans for my life, a big picture had He in mind,
but I was too mindless and eyeless. I couldn't
see much of His love, extravagant in bearing.
It's more than what I can quantify in literal
terms, because it's something even beyond the
comprehension of the supernatural. That great
love comes to bear in His disposition towards
His children. He says we are the apple of His
eyes. "Isreal have I loved, Esau have I hated",
said He. Don't forget in a hurry that we are
descendants of Israel (spiritually, at the least).

I felt hurt and very distraught when I ruminated
over thoughts of all of God's promises, and of
course, the consciousness of His nature of love
vis-a-vis my retinue of regrets and constant
woes. These weren't the things I expected to
behold, afterall God isn't a man that He should
lie. God said I'm treasured, but deep down, I
felt like an overused piece of rag. He said I'm
free because I know the truth, but I rather felt
still in chains. Wasn't He the one that claimed
He would supply all my needs according to His
riches in glory? Why then did I feel like a
church rat with attenuated fur, running through
life's dark crevices?
His nature and promises just didn't
comensurate with my ill fate. I just couldn't
comprehend why even if I felt I was on the
godly, goodly track, I still felt like a piece of
crap. I had to search the Scriptures for solace.
I stumbled on John 6:27. It is only through
Jesus Christ our life could have fruitful
meaning. Moreover, Jesus said "I am the way,
the truth and life. No one goes to the father
but through me". There! It dawned on me I had
been going behind Jesus' back to try to obtain
God's blessings.

I liken it to having in our possession a will
endorsed by a rich man, with us as the major
beneficiaries. I obviously need a lawyer, or
better put, a solicitor to help me claim my
inheritance, if not, external dissenters and
aggrieved people will be against me. The devil
and his cohorts are the aggrieved here. Christ
is the lawyer and solicitor who argues my case
before a grand judge, God. Jesus paid the
ultimate price for whatever blessing we might
be requesting from God. He even paid more
than the value of all we can ever need. All we
have to do is just go through Him and not
attempt a short circuit. To receive the promise
of the lord, we need someone who can fight for
us and serve as a mediator between God and
us.

Self righteousness is greatly insufficient to
bridge our divide with the sovereign lord. If the
lord left me a will, which He did, I need Jesus
to claim my inheritance.

Ara 'deinde