It's hard to find an answer when questions won't come out. It's hard to
find a reason when all you have is doubt. With the passage of time,
events and people through my life, I found it hard to know what and who
to hold on to as identities. Seeing into myself was also hard. I
couldn't see my way out, so that was an influence on what I could
perceive of me. Defining yourself is just as easy as hitting a nail into
a concrete wall with your fist.
My effigy always morphed each time I stared at the mirror; that's
not the big, bad deal. The issue rather was that I at times didn't know
what I was changing into. The psychological image always had a different
tale to tell. At a time, I began to hate my mirror. My friends. My
cares. My family. Every entity that had something to say about me, who
had a clue of who I was but never could see the big picture of me. I had
open eyes and open doors, but I didn't know what I was searching for.
Life needs reasoning and reasons for reasoning. You can't find
meaning to life, especially with its many distortions and obfuscations,
if all you listen to is the noise of macerating dissenters. I've over a
period of unfolding self-consciousness realised that no matter how
talented, connected or extraordinary you are, picking joys out of
sorrows and seeing vistas amidst blurred uncertainties and situations is
an inevitable exigency of life.
Everything that has pros always have cons, but the path to true
happiness and self discovery is seeing honey when you see a swarm of
bees, and not venomous stingers. There's more to life than parochial
pessimism.
Realism and inspiration catches up with my mind in unexpected places.
Ara 'deinde.
December 7, 2014.
MMA2, 05:45pm.
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